Age phobia
“I’m too old for that”. How many times have we heard, said, or joked about this? Despite living in a fast-paced changing society with new generations starting life projects later than before, age can still be a complicated topic to address in some contexts. I remember myself at 15 saying, in an admirably confident voice, that “by 30 I would own a house, by 32 I would be married and by 34 I would be a mum”. I’m 35 and I have or am neither of these (but I’m many other things!).
Inevitably, an age crisis started creeping into me, particularly during lockdown when there were not a lot of things going on that would distract me from these thoughts. I just wanted to shout: “Time, STOP! FREEZE! Let me solve my life and I’ll let you know when to restart, ok?” Was it a temporary state of mind? Was it only a fearful episode or was it as serious as to be called a phobia? Was it even mine or was it a learned social pressure?
Before moving on, let me get things straight: I love being in my mid-30s. I am in the best physical shape I had ever been, I have read more books in a year than ever in my life, I have a clear idea of my dreams, the things I like and want and the things I don’t, and, the best of all, is that I’m starting to feel more confident in my own skin. Then why have I been through so much anxiety, unrest, and fear?
Counterintuitively, since this is related to things I wanted, I think that the answer is “loss”, those “missed” opportunities of becoming who I aspired to be. When we start getting older, we relate to and connect more deeply with life, with its fun and happy moments, but, also, with the sad, frustrating, and difficult ones. Still, we find the energy to keep optimistic, knowing that, without those hard times, we couldn’t have learned this or that. The trickiest part comes when we are admiring nature, talking and laughing with someone we love, or enjoying ourselves with our favourite hobbies and it hits us, there and then, “I wish this could never end.” Ah, loss. The image of those “missed” past or future moments.
There are many reasons why we could be uncomfortable about getting older; for example, losing mobility, memory, or independence, but let’s talk openly about some misconceptions that have been nurtured by society or culture in broad terms (but avoiding oversimplifying). There is the belief that it’s harder for older people to learn new things. I know that my mum, for example, struggles with the idea of Google Drive. “How is that a cloud? Where is the cloud? What do you mean everywhere?!”
Indeed, society, particularly technology, is transforming our lives at an astoundingly fast pace that some people find hard to follow. Still, my mum has learned Japanese and started writing haikus in recent times. Clearly, we can keep learning new things. Even more, we can start anew! A fresh start! Beginning new things can feel intimidating with the passing of time; especially because we are overly critical and averse to risk, but we need to trust the power of new beginnings and, even more, the knowledge and life experience within ourselves.
With age, we get better at doing things, we know ourselves better, we design methods to fulfill our tasks, and we become more conscious about our decisions; all of those things that we could have never understood about life 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago. Aging is part of the deal, which means loss is part of the deal. That is beyond our control. Still, what we CAN do is remind ourselves that there is not a “right” time for anything, not a “better” way of doing things, but your own. It is ok to critically evaluate where you are and what you want for your future; as long as you keep the most important keyword in the message which is “you”.
-Silvia R for “Gals en Australia” — https://medium.com/@silviarp
